When the Right Decision Feels Like a Mistake: Understanding Your Nervous System's Fear Response

Feb 24

You made the decision. You knew it was right. And then, almost immediately, you felt terrible.

Maybe your chest tightened. Maybe the self-doubt crept in. Maybe you spent the next few hours (or days) replaying every detail, asking yourself if you rushed it, if you got it wrong, if you should have waited just a little longer.

Here's what I want you to know: that feeling isn't a red flag. It's not proof that you made a mistake. And it doesn't mean something is wrong with you.It's a signal asking you to listen.

This experience is incredibly common for sensitive, intuitive, and neurodivergent women, and yet no one talks about it enough.

So today, I'm breaking down exactly why this happens and offering a reframe that I hope changes the way you see yourself.

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When a Decision Makes Sense Intellectually but Not Physically

Let me share what inspired today’s episode. A few weeks ago, I was faced with a tough decision, it was time to move.

You see, I live in an area where parking is like winning the lottery. I had been parking at the spot for years without realizing this wasn’t official on any paper work.

Suddenly, with the arrival of a new management company, I found myself without parking, all because it was nowhere to be found on my lease.

When I realized this, I was furious and frustrated. Moving had been on my mind for years, but now I didn't have a choice. I knew it was time to go.

Very quickly, I started looking for a new place and next thing you know, I put in my move out notice. Intellectually, I knew I was doing the right thing.

However, as soon as I submitted the notice, I instantly felt awful.

I began wondering… Am I rushing? Am I being temperamental? Or impulsive even? Shouldn’t I feel at ease and calm? After all, I did the right thing…

This is just one example of the kind of situation so many of us find ourselves in. We make a decision and suddenly we start freaking out because we genuinely believe we did something wrong.

We start spiraling out of control and stressing ourselves out because we don’t understand what’s happening. That is precisely what we are exploring in today's post.

The Root of Self-Doubt Nobody Talks About

Let’s start off by naming the elephant in the room, which is that we don’t trust ourselves to make good decisions.

I know that when I first sat with this statement, I didn’t want to admit it. But it was true.

The reality is that so many of us make choices from a place of fear.

We don’t think we can choose correctly and we start second guessing ourselves to the point of overwhelm and relentless self-doubt.

But why does this happen?

Like many things, this often starts in childhood. If you're anything like me, you may have grown up with parents or caregivers, who didn't leave much room for you to make your own decisions.

You either had to over-explain and justify every little thing, or the choice was simply made for you.

The message we received, over and over, was simple: you can't trust yourself and you don’t know what’s best for you.

Fast forward to the present moment and this is how you end up in situations where you need to make choices quickly, only to end up getting stuck in your head and drowning in self-doubt.

You start telling yourself that you don’t know how to make good decisions. But subconsciously, it’s not that you don’t know how to make decisions, it’s that you’re terrified of making mistakes.

And, when decisions are made from a place of fear, it’s no wonder that they feel like life or death. Then, your body is going to follow suit because it’s responding to your thoughts.

This is why you start breathing fast, can’t focus, or feel absolutely exhausted. Your mind has been on overdrive and it’s burning all your fuel trying to troubleshoot this one perceived problem.

The stakes and our own expectations are so high, so it’s nearly impossible not to disappoint ourselves or feel like a failure before we even start.

Why Your Nervous System Resists Good Change

Another reason many of us feel bad after making a good decision is because we are secretly afraid of change. Even when change is good for us.

This is because humans are wired to seek certainty, safety, and predictability. We spend a lot of time building a comfort zone that allows us to feel safe, calm and relaxed.

Otherwise, we would never be able to focus on anything else other than perpetual survival.

So, it makes sense that most of us, no matter how awful or uncomfortable we feel, will stay in: bad relationships, places, and situations that no longer fit or are aligned with our current season of life, simply out of habit.

Unconsciously, we’re thinking “better the devil you know than the devil you don't”. Meaning that often, we find it easier to keep dealing with problems and situations that we are familiar with, rather than venture out into something new.

This is why it makes sense that when you finally do decide to change, your mind might be on board but not your nervous system.

And, it shows up when you start tensing up, imagining worse case scenarios, or making excuses for why things should stay the same.

It’s not that you don’t think you deserve better, it’s that you’re afraid of doing something you haven’t done before. Something that is asking you to go outside of your comfort zone.

How Intuitive Decision-Making Gets Mistaken for Recklessness

There's one more piece to this puzzle that I don't think gets nearly enough attention. If you’re highly intuitive, perceptive, and neurodivergent, you experience life differently.

Raise your hand if:

You tend to know things without always knowing how?
You can see how situations will play out before they happen?
You tend to get important insights seemingly out of nowhere?

If you raised your hand along to any of these questions, chances are you experience the world differently. You pick up on things others miss and know something is off before you can even name it.

This means that you operate on intuition, pattern recognition, and instinct, no impulsivity or recklessness. In fact, we are quite the opposite.

Many of us have been sharpening our intuition for years, through— quiet observation, reflection, and learning what not to do just by watching how others move in the world.

We know exactly what is good for us or where we need to go simply by tuning in to our inner compass, our intuition. This means that you’re likely someone who knows exactly what they want and how to get there.

And, herein lies the problem.

When you live in a world where most people don’t work like this,
it’s easy to gaslight yourself into thinking that you must be: crazy, impulsive, or reckless. When this couldn’t be further from the truth.

What others don’t understand is that you have been contemplating, thinking, and planning important life decisions for weeks, months, and even years. Often without telling anyone about it, and just keeping it close to your heart.

So, when you finally take action, it can look like you just made a decision out of nowhere. Other people don’t understand how you know what you know.

This is when they’ll start projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you. And, if you’re not self-aware, you might absorb those fears, insecurities, and anxieties and believe they’re your own.

You might even start worrying that you’ll regret your decision later. But the truth is that you have already thought about things extensively. There’s nothing left to analyze or question.

But under external pressure, it’s normal to react by second guessing yourself and beating a dead horse. And, we're really only doing this to appease other people and make sure that they’re okay.

A Reframe Worth Holding Onto

If you were able to relate to anything that I shared today, I want you to know that you are not broken or flawed. You make sense.

Instead of being hard on yourself, I want to invite you to consider the following:

What if that awful feeling you have after making an important decision isn't that you made the wrong choice but a signal that you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone?
What if instead of listening to external fears and insecurities, you slowed down enough to notice what is happening within?
How might that approach change your relationship with yourself and your own self-trust?

Until next time.

Renata is a creativity coach who supports neurodivergent and multi-passionate women of color in building a kinder relationship with themselves through expressive art. Her work helps clients move from feeling overwhelmed and disconnected toward more ease and calm. She’s currently offering a free copy of her therapeutic art-making workbook when you join her email list. Sign up here to receive your free copy.